Tag Archives: brain

Do you suffer from OCCS?

Do you suffer from Overactive Cerebral Cortex Syndrome, also known as OCCS?

Individuals with OCCS report symptoms including but not limited to: relentless rumination of regretful experiences, waking phantasms of future fortuities, diurnal episodes of spiritual somnambulism, a dogmatic belief that the eloquent raconteur within dictates one’s external existence, and, last but not least, deathbed discoveries that the entirety of life was driven by unexamined assumptions, a dense fog that dulled even the most vibrant sensual experiences.

If you have experienced any of these symptoms, talk to your doctor about Panacea®, an elixir that has been proven highly effective to treat OCCS. Long term studies of patients who have taken Panacea® report an improved sense of well being, highly successful careers, unparalleled sexual stamina, perfectly symmetrical facial features, an immunity to most modern diseases, a sizable bank account, a comfortable social status, and a guaranteed spot in a white and bright afterlife.

Side effects included nausea, headaches, dizziness, diarrhea, sensitivity to light or sound, increased appetite, decreased appetite, liver disease, kidney disease, heart disease, throat cancer, brain cancer, lymphoma, cancer of the soul, impotence, burning or tingling urination, room-clearing flatulence, unexpected growth of extra nipples, anxiety, paranoia, drooling, and shortness of breath. Talk to your doctor if any of these side effects are persistent or severe.

Tell your doctor if you have a history of cultivating mindfulness, practicing meditation, or living in the present moment, as interactions with Panacea® can be life-threatening or fatal.